I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
