i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
