I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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