listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
