Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
