You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
