I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
