Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
