Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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