Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
