I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
