Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
