i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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