Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
