How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the condom got lost in my hair
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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