More tranny stories later!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
