wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
