I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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