some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
