Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
