I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
