An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
