Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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