Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
