Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
