If i come over, it means nothing
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
