feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
