I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
