the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
