its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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