Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
