JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
