My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
