Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am spending my child support on dildos
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
