I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
