I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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