we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
