did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
