I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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