yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Randomize
