made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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