Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
