I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
