So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your topless pictures make me question reality
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
