I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
