How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
