He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
