I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
