McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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