I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
