dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
