it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
