You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
